quickies.

so, to celebrate being done w/ my sub-internship, i went skydiving today.

woohoo! it was incredible. i jumped tandem, of course--ie, strapped to a professional skydiver. the feeling is hard to describe. but yeah, definitely the craziest moment is just before you jump--like when the plane doors open, and you are standing at the edge, looking down, and thinking, wow, i'm really going to jump! and the next thing you know, you are freefalling down from 13,500 ft, for 45secs. the fall is unlike anything else. nothing like a rollercoaster, nothing like freefall ride at six flags. but you are just in mid-air, and it almost doesn't feel like you're falling, but you know you are, bc you can feel the speed of the wind, and the force of it. but it feels fantastic. and, you're looking at the ground below you, the sky around you. it's hard to look above you when you jump tandem, though. then, the parachute's pulled, and you slow down really abruptly. and then, it's still really neat, bc again, you're just suspended in the sky, w/ just a parachute. you're IN the air. it's amazing.

the landing is quite soft. i was worried about the landing--that the impact would be pretty harsh, and that i might sprain an ankle or something. but not at all. the skydivers have pretty impressive control over the chute, and somehow slow it down, so that you land kind of skimming/skidding w/ your feet, and then either you slide a bit on your butt, or else you slide on your feet and come to a rest. totally gentle landing.

ps, fyi, you can wear glasses or contacts, bc you wear goggles over your face. and, you wear a windbreaker jumpsuit thingie over your clothes that you put a harness over. and, pps, i felt surprisingly safe the entire time. the people who take you, are super comfortable jumping. they do it, literally, dozens of times every day. and they are careful about jumping conditions--actually, it was pretty frustrating for a while, bc of the weather. you can't jump w/ too much cloud cover. and while the start of this afternoon was gorgeous and better weather than you can ask for, we had to wait to jump for a while, and by the time it was our turn, it started to cloud over, and rain. ugh, it was so sad and i was like, noooo!! and we had to wait some rain out, and finally, it cleared up again, and half our group was able to jump. but it's really sad, bc after we went, it started raining again, and clouded over, and the rest of our group didn't get to jump today. that sucks big time. bc we made a long journey out to the jump site. it was in new jersey, in a place called...springdale? the name of the place was called The Sky's The Limit, or something liek that. but it took us a solid 2 hours by bus to the site, plus a subway ride. so, it was incredibly disappointing for the half of our group. especially bc we spent the whole day there.

anyway, yeah. skydiving's prob better in california, where the weather is more reliable. i also heard that a higher jump is better, that 13,500 is not so high. my friend niraj says he enjoys the parachute part of the dive, but i think i like the freefall part. the parachute part is pretty neat, but the freefall is unlike anything else. but yeah, niraj was saying how it's an incredible rush, and yep. it is.

ppps, andy hsiao was there, and also got to jump! it was pretty crazy, bc we were on the plane, going up and up, and up, and i was feeling as though i were on a regular usairways, or lufthansa flight or something--well, sort of--until the cabin doors opened up, and then andy was the first to go, and then, it's like, i see andy dropping out of the plane! it was kind of unreal.

sidenote, i was tempted to go skydiving my frosh year of stanford. never had a good opportunity to go. then, by senior year, when there were opportunities, the desire had kind of left me--was more squeamish about the idea. and now, the pedulum has swung back in the other direction, clearly. and, i was up for going. but yeah. the idea, i know, is a little scary, and it'd be a pretty stupid way to go. and, you sign all these papers, basically signing your life away. but i think it's fairly safe. that sounds absurd, and i don't have much to back it up. but like, safer than bungee jumping. ha. but the parachute is reliable. and, you jump w/ a professional who does this many times a day. anyway. i know i'll sound retarded trying to say it's safe, so i shouldn't bother. but i'm glad everything went well, and it was an incredible experience. yay.

yay! my sub-internship's over!!!!! woohoo!

des had a little get-together at her new pad last night, and it was really fun. i don't know, part of the fun was reminising old stanford times. me, des, andy, phil sung, karen won. jane, marshall, and a couple of new friends of des'were there too, and i think they also had a good time, bc there were funny college stories. we directed a lot of ribbing on andy. it was very chill, and towards the end of the night, it was just really nice bc we were staying up kinda late, and just chatting. reminded me of good ol' college days.

anyhow, feels good to be done w/ my subi. i start an ID elective at montefiore on monday. going to see how i like their program.

this photo's my desktop wallpaper. i love it. it's the grand prismatic spring at yellowstone nat'l park. the bahamas are relgated to the bottom of the page.

pigged out at Jing Fong's dim sum w/ desiree, ash, jane, and maemae. yummy. and cheap. but it was funny/frustrating, bc our table was situated poorly, so that we ended up running after carts for food instead of the carts coming to us!

afterwards, maemae and i stocked up on food to haul back to sinai. so i have like a thousand dumplings and sticky rice thingies in the freezer. gotta say that the curry beef pastries are indeed the tastiest things you can get for 65 cents, just like maemae promised.

back to work on my personal statement. ugh. i want to get my application out. sigh.

went out to celebrate my roomie's birthday w/ some friends. we had fun, ate dinner at penang downtown, and then went and saw a movie she watned to see, Matchstick Men. it was, eh, okay. not really a fan. but i will say that, i called it.

still on my list to see: Pirates of the Caribbean, Seabiscuit, American Splendor, Finding Nemo, and add to that the new woody allen.

was post-call today, and our call was the most pleasant yet. i think we have hurricane isabel to thank--people didn't want to come to the hospital. it was the only call we didn't cap, we got only 7 admissions. and only a couple of cross-coverage mishaps.

yeah, i ask people if there are trends in calls and admissions, and my resident says that sunday night calls are the worst, bc people don't want to go to work on monday, so if they don't feel well, they go to the ER. some people say that you see more pts in the ER when there's a full moon out.

anyway, golden weekend. YAY. don't have to go back to the hospital until monday!

an aside. is that photo above, not remarkable? it's beautiful. i don't know. i need to look at things like that sometimes.

post call again. q4 sucks. am i going to be complaining for the next three years? that's not a pleasant thought.

my team just has really bad luck. on cross coverage, we had no less than 6 people who needed emergent transfusion. i think there were two standard GI bleeders thought to be stable and awaiting scope, but actually not stable--surprise! watch that crit drop! two people w/ platelets in the 20's, one guy in diabetic ketoacidosis and delirium tremens w/ platelets in the 40's who was getting a central line, and his artery was hit, bleed, bleed, and another who was status-post colon resection, bleeding frank blood into her colostomy bag w/ an INR of 4. fresh frozen plasma! what fun!

well, call wasn't as bad as it might have been. we got two very sick patients from the ER, but they ended up being transferred to the unit, (after we'd stabilized them on the floor...) so that's only a total of 6 admissions we have to take care of, as opposed to 8.

anyhow. i do'nt know, when i watch the show ER, it reminds me of those stressful hard times, when you're not doing so well in your outside-of-work life, and thigns are super busy and tiring at work. and, personally, i think ER does a pretty good job of showing the work strain on top of the non-work life strain. when you're just exhausted mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. and not that life's necessarily so dramatic like ER, but it can be kinda dramatic. i don't know. i relate to that, and i don't think it's just the med part of me. but who knows. i like ER, but it can be depressing as well. i prefer scrubs. that lead guy actor has this appealing dorky look about him.

"they" say that you get used to call. really? all i know is that i come home thinking, i should be able to not waste the whole day konked out. but then, the next thing you know, i've already crawled into bed.

my patient has returned to our team from the surgery floor. i went to see her today, post-call. hadn't visted her since last...thursday? the day after her surgery. it's been too busy. she's doing well, though. sigh. she's starting chemo sometime this week, prob. the oncologist is saying, palliative chemo, but she wants as aggressive chemo as there is.

don't know if i could handle doing heme/onc. it's taxing. our service gets a lot of onc patients bc one of our attendings is an oncologist.

anyway. gonna hit the shower, then the sack. g'night all.

song of the week is "Call and Answer" by barenaked ladies.
i first heard their song "Be My Yoko Ono" in late middle school, i think, and liked it. then i didn't hear of them again until they came out with One Week. when was that? late high school? early college? anyhow, i'm a fan. their songs have this incredible energy. even a slowish one like Call and Answer, just builds a lot of force. and they don't take themselves too seriously, make some really good funny happy songs. just an aside.

on call tomorrow. it was nice to have one weekend day to relax. i do'nt know how i can make it through three years of being q4. it's making me rethink that i really want to go into internal medicine. need to stop thinking about it.

instead, i'm thinking about uganda. am hoping to get this travel grant. that would offset a good part of the costs, like the flight which looks like it will be somewhere around $2000. whew. actually, i should be able to get a better price through a travel agent or something. hopefully something closer to $1500.

i'm also thinking about what to do w/ the month or so we'll have between graduationg and starting internship. am trying to make a resolution to go somewhere and learn spanish w/ that time. but the temptation to just go play somewhere is big.

maybe what i should be thinking about, is getting moving on my personal statement, as it consists of about 3 sentences right now. hm. ugh. YUCK.

my patient went to surgery today, and, all they could do was open her up, and close her up, bc she had peritoneal seeding, basically diffuse metastases. not operable. i saw her coming out of the OR, and...ugh, she actually told me what happened...i didn't know what to say at all. i do'nt think i said anything, except, get some rest...

my claim is that people who like languages enjoy playing taboo. just bc, when you're first learning a language, it's all about using your very limited vocab to get meanings across. finding a way to say something without the words you want to use. that's basically how i communicate w/ my spanish-speaking patients. everything has to come back to my medicine experience.

please pray for my gastric cancer patient. she's going for surgery tomorrow morning, 8am....she was upset again this morning. understandably. and, yeah. there's a lot more i want to say about her, but not right now. just, i really pray for God's mercy to be upon her and her family.

post-call again. saturday calls are the worst. you lose your whole weekend. and of course, this weekend, the weather has been beautiful, whereas all last week the weather was sucky. so, it's gorgeous out right now, but i'm going to shower and go to sleep.

my patient w/ gastric ca is amazing. i don't know, she took it really hard at first, and ever since, she's been a trooper. i have no idea where she finds the strength. but to me, it's a privilege to help her out wherever i can. little things, like making sure she gets the right diet, and arranging it so that her husband can speak w/ the surgeon monday afternoon, i'm happy to do.

another patient is this super sweet, and pretty clear-minded 90 year old italian woman with dysphagia for two weeks. probably more badness. but, she's a real sweetheart. she understands some spanish, so i communicate w/ her via sign language and my pigdin espanol. she needed a lot of coaxing to try to swallow her am dose of metoprolol. reminds me of my geri rotation, where these old patients love to hold your hand, and the smallest attentiveness makes them so happy.

then there's that smelly guy. ugh. he's a pain in the arse. he's never going to leave hotel hospital. my poor stethoscope has to touch his belly and his chest and his back. yuck. thank goodness for alcohol swabs. and then, on the compassionate side, you've got to feel bad for him--he's homeless, has really bad heart problems, has bad COPD which makes him wheezy and tachypneic all the time, so he can't even walk a block w/o getting short of breath, etc.

anyway, so call wasn't so bad. well, for me. we got some pretty sick admits, but i only picked up one on short call and one on long call, bc none of my patients have gone home. i like having my own patients. just wish i got to discuss their care a little more often. there are some little things that i don't get, and i feel like i can't ask all the time. and it's a little annoying that i can't put in orders, but have to always bug the resident. but, i'm a little proud of myself for contributing to my patients' care a bit, when i think of things myself. like, that it's prob a good idea to start anticoagulating one of my patients. not a huge thing, but prob important nonetheless.

yeah, so, expect to hear tons of boring med stuff. that's taking up a lot of brain space lately. that or all the things i need to do for my residency apps. ps, i've seen two episodes of scrubs, and it's pretty funny. i like.

can't stop thinking about my patient. trying to read up on gastric cancers, and i keep thinking what i will say when i see her in the morning...how her night was, if she was able to sleep at all, i'm sure her brain couldn't turn off. i wonder if her husband or kids were able to come visit her.

it's been busy. doing my subI and trying to get app stuff done at the same time is pretty challenging. i'm already exhausted from one little call. but today was a rough day. here it comes...that's the main thought that's been in my head. here's a taste of intern year.

one of my admissions from call, she most likely has metastatic gastric cancer. ugh. i was so sad when i heard the results of her endoscopy this morning. still awaiting tissue diagnosis, but CT showed enlarged lymph nodes, and she's had weight loss, etc, etc. so sad, bc she's very young, in her thirties, and has two children, and no family in the states.

this is the first patient i've ever had to have this kind of news given to her. and...it was overwhelming. i do'nt know, i'm kind of thankful that i was post-call when her endoscopy was done, so someone else initially broke the news of her most likely diagnosis. just, i'm not confident i would have done it right. the idea still scares me.

she was already anxious and in tears in the ER when she came in, and i spent some time w/ her today just holding her hand, and trying to comfort her while she cried. and it's all stuff you've heard of--she feels like she's having some bad dream, but she's not waking up, and how everythign was fine in her life until yesterday, and now her life is falling apart, and how she doesn't want to die. but it's real. it's her life. and it's like all her worst fears are coming true. ugh. the weight is enormous.

anyway. so, that was the roughest part of the day. it was also punctuated by this awful rule-out MI patient who's homeless and probably in alcohol withdrawal. we gave him ativan and librium, but he was still incredibly cranky and combative, but normal heart rate, bp. wouldn't let the nurses take his vitals, wouldn't let anyone draw his blood, pulled off all his cardiac monitoring, pulled out his IV, kept giving everybody trouble, and smells really bad to top it all off. yuck. maybe he'll go home tomorrow. he ruled out. but he has nowhere to go, and social work spoke w/ him, but he refuses placement. we wanted to get him his meds before he leaves, but there are all these barriers now, bc of budget cutbacks, and he probably won't be able to get them before leaving. instead, we'll prob have to send him out w/ scripts that he'll never fill...and he'll get sick again. it's frustrating.

anyway, yeah. four weeks in the life of an intern. not even, more like in the life of 40% of what the intern does. scary. but, the good thing is that you feel much more responsible for your patients, and...that's a good thing that's different from being a 3rd year student.

non-med ppl, don't even bother to skim below.

started my subinternship yesterday, and was on call my first day! ugh. figures. good thing i thought to bring a pair of scrubs just in case. so now i'm post-call and pooped. but, my resident and intern seem pretty nice, and that is by far the most important thing to me right now. i did 4 admissions out of 8 (we cap at 8), so i'm feeling pretty good about my contribution to the team. but i still need lots of honing on my history-taking. i'm much too slow, mostly bc i'm kind of disorganized in history-taking, and though i'm getting better at being thorough, i'm still forgetting things. and i'm still a little shy about doing a really good physical. like, i hesitate to get the patient in the optimal position to do an abdominal exam, bc i feel bad about moving them around. it's retarded, and i know it, and it needs to change. on the brighter side, i'm beginning to trust my physical exam a little more, which is really important. i think that plays a critical role in helping me not hesitate in examining my patients thoroughly, bc a lot of the times i just feel bad moving them around, when i'm not confident of my ability to really get reliable findings. anyhow. time to sleep now.

"all my life I have had this sadness at intervals," the woman said. "but it is not like the sadness of Pablo. It does not affect my resolution."

hm. still want to see Finding Nemo, Pirates of the Caribbean, T3, Seabiscuit. add to that list, American Splendor and the new Johnny Depp.

ugh, having insomnia. sucks.

am hooked on this old radiohead song, "high and dry" off the albumn The Bends. it's on repeat. i also like track 4--fake plastic trees.

lately, i've been craving and missing british rock.

"Our life is a short time in expectation, a time in which sadness and joy kiss each other at every moment. There is a quality of sadness that pervades all the moments of our life. It seems that there is no such thing as a clear-cut pure joy, but that even in the most happy moments of our existence we sense a tinge of sadness. In every satisfaction, there is an awareness of limitations. In every success, there is the fear of jealousy. behind every smile, there is a tear. In every embrace, there is loneliness. In every friendship, distance. And in all forms of light, there is the knowledge of surrounding darkness...But this intimate experience in which every bit of life is touched by a bit of death can point us beyond the limits of our existence. It can do so by making us look forward in expectation to the day when our hearts will be filled with perfect joy, a joy that no one shall take away from us."

Henri Nouwen.

28 days later: thumbs up.
personally, i think jim was a carrier.

whew. let me be brief: the power out was awful. but, silver linings include getting to stay over at dave and eunice's, and not missing marni and jeff's wedding despite the craziness.

the wedding was wonderful. the weekend was super busy. and i'm pooped and starting my heme elective tomorrow, so gotta get to bed. oh, and step two is now behind me! yay. g'night!

i think it's time to call it quits now. time for bed, and, we'll see what happens tomorrow. i don't know, studying for big exams like this, always depresses me a bit--bc i hope to reform and be a better, more diligent, student. and time just shows that, some things never change.

the stressy/panicky feeling didn't really hit me until today, and of course, it's followed by huge guilt. i don't know, it's tricky, bc some of the time i spent w/ people, i think was truly good and well done. and then of course there are other times, when i should have studied.

in any case, if anything, it reminds me a bit about grace and mercy. just, when i feel a little desperate, then i think, well, i don't deserve any mercy--God must be looking down on me, and thinking, what a bad kid she's been, doesn't talk to me, doesn't meditate on scripture, not bearing any spiritual fruit, didn't study hard enough, etc. yet, BINGO. that's exactly what grace and mercy are. undeserved. i don't deserve any of it. but God will not withold any good thing from my life, or let remain any bad thing. so, i have only to be thankful. whatever score i get, wherever i match.

so, here's a verse given to me for encouragement, from psalm 119:
"Remember your word to your servant, for you have given me hope. My comfort in my suffering is this: your promise preserves my life."

and, then there's always the song from Prince of Egypt: there can be miracles when you believe.

i'm weary of trying to study. and glad the exam is wednesday. i feel like i've passed my tiny brain's capacity, and everything's merely leaking out at this point. even things i knew a few weeks ago, need refreshing. which glomerulonephropathy is associated with hepatitis b again?

threw my martha's vineyard glow-in-the-dark frisbee around with niraj for a bit. we tossed it back and forth in the little basketball courtyard behind our building. he was shocked that i can throw forehand. i have to admit that i take a little pride in it myself. it would be nice if i could also catch and have a little aim too. but hey. i actually love the frisbee. i've wanted one that glows in the dark for years and years. isn't that ridiculous? but i have, and i was so happy when i found this one. it's almost like a little night light in my room. i turn off the lights, and i see it glowing serenely in the dark. need to go throw at night sometime.

and wait, i don't get why it seems central that trinity die/almost die at the end. and even the architect tries to bluff neo into believing that she's going to die and there's nothing neo can do about it--which wasn't true at all. pretty much, i think it means that they have zero control over neo.

if the merovingian was at some past time, a One, then, in current times, what is he?? is he now only a program? reloaded into the matrix? or does he have a body somewhere outside of the matrix, and is just plugged in? and what is the oracle? i guess i must be wrong, then, about the merovinge, bc i think the oracle says she's not human. then, if they're both purely programs, how did they become renegade? agent smith became renegade through his contact w/ neo, with some swapping of code. is that what also happened to the oracle and the merovingian? did the oracle come after the first One? or at the same time? or before? hm.

ps, i kind of like how morpheus's faith in his own beliefs are being questioned. he's sort of bewildered at how neo could have gotten to the source, and the war not be over. and yet, he's still convinced it's true that neo's going to end things. i also liked the scene right after the merovingian poo-poo's them away, and neo's like, did we do something wrong, or not do something we were supposed to have done? and morpheus is like, nope. and the next moment, persephone appears.

oh, ps, sort of ashamed to admit it, but watched it on imax. this was unknowingly--it's only playing in one theatre in manhattan right now, according to my friend, so we went there to see it--a huge theatre by lincoln center. and, when we went to pay for the tix, it cost $13!!! and we were like, why $13?? and it was bc it was playing on imax. but i did my best to save $--i sneaked in snacks for us to munch.

pps, i am shocked at how much more i enjoyed reloaded on second viewing. just, i was severely disappointed the first time, and i thought danny and davehong must have been smoking something pretty powerful to have liked it so much. but, i am no longer anti-reloaded. however, i am still strongly of the opinion that it was not as seamless as the first, and that the character development was unnecessarily sucky. okay, that's all. time for bed.

okay, so my friend (sort of) twisted my arm into seeing Reloaded a second time, on the big screen, before it's gone. our first viewing was actually on this miniscule screen that made me indignant that they could charge you $10 to watch a movie like that on a screen the size of a chalkboard.

anyway, so we watched it tonight, and, i definitely enjoyed it more the second time round. clearly, this has to do with LOW expectations. just, my first viewing was such a let-down. and, i would say that my complaints about it remain--little/no character development, gratuitous scenes that don't move the plot along, action sequences that are disconnected, just nowhere near as elegant as the first. BUT, i'd say on second viewing, i could appreciate the good stuff, bc i'd already accepted the bad stuff. like, i just tuned out in the mosh pit scene.

but, so now, i sort of agree. fascinating. note, i haven't kept up with any reloaded ramblings on jack, since, maybe two days after i saw it the first time. so, besides the fact that this is going to be utterly boring for everyone, it might also be redundant, and add nothing new. it's your choice to read on, or, what's prob wiser, to stop now.

first of all, when persephone screws over the merovingian, it's completely unexpected to him. but, you get the impression, this cycling of The One is nothing new to him, he's been around a long time, as if he's see other One's before. but, P betraying him, and handing over the keymaker to neo, was something new, unexpected, and he says something to the effect of, well, we'll see how this plays out.

so even if this has happened before, it's different this time, even for old hats like the merovingian. also interesting, was how nearly EVERYONE was trying to stop neo from getting to the source. like, the agents in the matrix, the agent smiths, the merovingian and his team. both the official matrix, and the renegade programs. except of course, the keymaker and the oracle.

i'm still confused about what happens when The Ones cycle through, and get to the source. what happens to the programs in the matrix? i mean, the exiled programs--oracle, meroving, keymaker. they all seem to have survived through past generations, so can/do they exist outside of the matrix? or are they stored somewhere sort of the way neo is supposed to disperse his code, and reloaded into a fresh matrix? and is this part of why agent smith wanted to get out of the matrix, in order not to be destroyed in the coming The One cycle?

what happens at the source is even more confusing. the architect apparently knows what neo will choose. and yet, is it he who says that choice is an illusion? i think the architect says it, and earlier on, the merovingian says it--that choice is an illusion between those who have power and those who do not. and that everything is cause and effect. then it would seem that the architect could create circumstance in such a way to make neo make the choice the architect wants. but seems like the architect didn't want neo to make the choice neo makes. couldn't the architect have made it so that the alternative choice was more appealing? i guess not, because neo is the True One, who is going to really set things straight.

so, upon first viewing, i mentioned my theory about the merovingian being the first one, or a prior one, and persephone being his trinity equivalent. fromall the hints that they're from an older world. AND, oh, there's one part when the oracle tells neo that every time he's ever heard about ghosts or angels, or VAMPIRES, that it was a renegade program not doing what it's supposed to be doing. this is precisely the merovingian and his crew, no? they are totally like vampire-esque, with killing them w/ a silver bullet.

anyhow, so i had initially discarded my merovingian is a former One theory, bc it wouldn't work w/ persephone--what would she still be doing alive, if he'd had to choose b/t her and saving people? but, maybe the architect actually made the merovingian's choice different from neo's, allowed him to keep persephone, and his crew, and let them restart everything, and then they hacked out of the system in their own way, or else were provided with a different role to play. and maybe neo's not offered the same choice, bc somehow the architect knows he won't take it? i have no idea.

maybe they are all from the first matrix--the oracle, the seraph, the merovingian, the key-maker, persephone, the ghost twins, etc., and they parted ways when it came to deciding whether or not they would try to beat the matrix once and for all, believing whether or not it was possible. and it sort of seems that the merovingian is hunting down the oracle, and she's key in finding and helping neo, and that's also why she needs the added protection of the seraph.

that makes you wonder about the very first One that morpheus speaks of in the first movie--who realized he could change things. confusing, bc who was that? the merovingian? someone else? and what happened to him?

it's just interesting that they keep saying that things happen for a reason, that they know things, or do things, bc they were meant to be. like, naiobe or someone asks the keymaker how he knows all this stuff about the corridor of doors, and he replies that he knows it bc he was meant to know it. and when he dies, he says, it was meant to be.

and the counterpoint to that, how the oracle says neo can only see as far as he understands the choices that he's already made. confusing. and the merovingian sort of says, that ultimately you don't care about the why, that it's sort of an intellectual exercise, bc you just feel something in your gut. something like that.

i'm also confused about the ship that picks up neo, morpheus, link, and trinity. why didn't the squids throw a bomb at it? according to the architect, everyone connected to the matrix, and everyone in zion is dead. and i'm assuming that the squidees have the job of hunting down leftover little ships, but did they just miss that one??

and what exactly does agent smith want? he kept trying to get into people unplugged from the matrix in order to do what? to get into zion and destroy neo from there? or to fight the machines from there and run his own program world? ps, that scene where that guy whom agent smith infiltrated is cutting his hand w/ a knife,a nd then seemingly about to attack neo, but is startled, and doesn't, was lame. if he wanted to kill neo, he would have attacked anyway--who cares if he was startled? i didn't get it. but again, if the goal is to stop neo from getting to the source, why? what's in it for agent smith?

but it seemed to me, that the architect didn't want neo at the source, and that he didn't want neo to make the choice he makes. which suggests that neo really has a choice, outside the architect's power, and even within the knowledge of what neo would choose. i do'nt know. neo is definitely The One-One, though. if you follow. and, now i'm excited for the last movie.

okay. had to pump that out, so i can semi-forget about it. though, now i'm interested in what people wrote about reloaded after i'd tuned out. but definitely, much better on second viewing. bigger screen helped, and i could enjoy the action sequences more fully, bc i kind of knew to not expect them to do much for the plot. i thinkt he highway scene is my fav.

making up for pigging out. went jogging yesterday and today, and it felt good. :) though, it's super humid out. and, i'm too out of shape to do more than one loop.

at the moment, i feel semi-wired. i was afraid of giving into temptation and taking an afternoon nap, so i drank a bowl of coffee. a bowl, not a mug, but a bowl. and now my insides are jumping. mistake. but, i didn't take a nap. i continued to do questions. yay. small triumph.

small loss yesterday, well, sort of. i decided to watch a movie at midnight, when i'd pooped out from studying. just wanted to relax. knew that a movie was the wrong thing, bc that's like a 2 hour investment, when i should be sleeping. but i couldn't help it. so i watched Spirited Away on a vcd. was definitely not as good as Princess Mononoke. it was less coherent, and not as beautiful. it was also more sad, and there seemed to be too much of the story untold. but it was still fun to watch.

anyway, time to shower, have some yummy bibimbap, and back to studying.

oh man...it's such bad news to go grocery shopping when you're hungry. does this ever happen to you? you buy all this stuff that you shouldn't buy. and normally wouldn't.

yesterday, i came home w/ a bag of potato chips and an entenmann's crumb cake!! and guess what--that bag of potato chips is gone, and along with it, almost half of an entire crumb cake. that's disgusting. truly disgusting. that was basically my dinner. a junk food night. the crumb cake doesn't even taste very good. but at least i didn't touch the half gallon of ice cream yet...

so now i'm starving for veggies. today will be veggie day.

so last week, i helped out at the Bowery Mission Medical Clinic. the bowery mission is a homeless shelter for men downtown. they have a great program down there, with soup kitchen, and a resident program where they get dormitory housing, and classes to help men gain skills they need, provide clothing for job interviews, etc. standard, big city, well-run shelter.

anyways, so starting this past year, the leader of our now-dissolved redeemer home fellowship group, who is an internist, volunteered to help set up a medical clinic at the bowery. this project is basically what jane devoted a good deal of her year off to. and to great results, bc there is now a bowery mission med clinic that runs every other wednesday. a small beginning, but significant, and it's growing. clinic appts are booked pretty much every time, and just last week, two social workers have gotten involved at the bowery in conjunction with the med clinic--meeting a huge need. and last winter, jane was able to arrange it so that flu shots were given at the bowery.

in any case, i've sort of been minimally involved on the sidelines through jane. and finally, now that third year is over, and particularly now, while i'm just "studying" for step II, i have more time and a more flexible schedule. so i volunteered to help out at last week's clinic.

man, i was sharply reminded that it is of utmost importance to be involved in mercy ministry. i don't nkow, it's been too long, and, i've forgotten about these tremendous needs. intellectually, i haven't forgotten the importance of it, but emotionally, or heart-wise, i've forgotten. been totally self-absorbed and too busy. somewhat understandable, med school's busy, esp for inefficient and poor study-habit me. only lately have i had more time. but still. it's a matter of priorities.

anyway, so helping out at the clinic last week brought flashbacks from alternative spring breaks things--homelessness in the bay area, in LA. and short-term missions trips, where lines of people would come for med attention. but, like i said, it's been a long time, and all that was really left was intellectual acknowledgment and mental note to get involved in the future, when i have time, but a dulled emotional memory.

well, so one of the patients i saw at clinic last week, wasn't doing so hot. we drew some labs, and they came back. we knew he was already anemic, but now his hemoglobin/hematocrit was 5.7/21. (normal for a man is 13.5-17.5/41-53 and i think you start thinking about possible transfusion when your hemoglobin gets below 8), and mcv = 69, elevated rdw, and elevated plts (like 550). (sorry, just adding some more values in case the med ppl are interested). basically, when you see a man with this sort of anemia, you worry about him bleeding from somewhere, like from a tumor, or somewhere in the gastrointestinal tract, and have to rule it out.

anyway, so basically, he's homeless, 60 years old, had been to several ERs, that refused to admit him, and didn't work him up. he also has a history of bladder cancer, and significant wt loss of about 50lbs over the last 2 years, and is symptomatic--fatigue, a little short of breath, dizziness. so what we tried to do was get him a clinic appt, in hopes that we could get him admitted to a hospital floor that way.

they asked me to escort him, bc number one, he's weak and they wouldn't want to send him on his own, and number two, to provide a little persuasion/pressure for them to admit him.

long story short, it took about 5 hours of my day, from noon until 5pm, bc of picking up his labs, picking him up, insurance stuff, and predictable clinic appt waiting, but he was admitted. and, the doctor who saw him was great. she was quite compassionate, took a very thorough history and went through a complete physical exam, and didn't need much persuasion.

i don't know, at the end of the day, i was a little stressed, bc of the amount of study time i "lost," and it was kind of exhausting, but at the same time, my goodness, i never make any sacrifices. it's always about me me me. and, i don't know, i'm glad i had the privilege. sorry, there's mnore i want to say, but it's not really coming out. maybe i'll try later.

"Q. What are the basic human emotions?
A. There are seven that have very clear facial signals--anger, sadness, fear, surprise, disgust, contempt and happiness.
Q. Isn't love a basic human emotion?
A. Romantic and parental love are more enduring than emotions, though they are highly emotionally laden. I don't just feel happy with my daughter. Sometimes I'm worried, sometimes I'm surprised, and sometimes I might feel anger. It's an attachment, not a fleeting emotional state. A mood, by the way, is different still. It doesn't last as long as an attachment, though it can last for hours or even longer."

(also from today's nytimes.)

"Teeth allow us to eat, and so are emblematic of life. Teeth resemble bone, protruding visibly from an otherwise skin-veiled skull, and so remind us of death. Teeth are ornamental, a significant aspect of appearance and sexual appeal. Nothing can look more menacing or bestial than fully bared teeth. Yet nothing is more inviting, more deeply human, than a bright open smile that lights up the room."
(from today's nytimes.)

hm. i don't think i'm a fan of friendster. it's not particularly user-friendly. and, it's really slow. either that, or it's a problem w/ my computer. just, you add something, and it doesn't update. and, i tried adding a testimonial to my cousin's page, and don't know if it's going to work, bc when i clicked submit, i got an error page. that happened before when i tried editing my own profile. PLUS, you aren't updated when somebody changes their page, so, i don't know. i think jackchecker and the jbb have, ahem, raised my standards. basically, i'm too impatient/lazy to check everyone's page individually, especially when it's so slow. and, yeah, most people aren't going to change their pages, like davehogn said. but, the pictures are kind of fun. go kevin lee!

went rollerblading with niraj and andy today. fun! that was, by far, the longest and farthest i've gone blading. we went around the big central park loop. i was very pleased with my rollerblading skilz--basically means: i didn't fall.

i pretty much have only gone blading in two other places--place 1=driveway at our old house in roslyn, place 2=stanford. and at stanford, only went a handful of times--i'd say, maybe four. very fun, but limited mostly to the quad, and mostly flat terrain, not very speedy.

central park is an altogether different animal. today was a good day to go, bc it wasn't too crowded. and, i don't know, it's literally been years since i've last bladed, but i did pretty well. kept up for the most part, and wasn't too freaked out by the downhills. downhills aren't as scary as you'd think, bc eventually it levels out. i think what's scary is when there are lots of people, bc then i feel nervous about someone coming across my path suddenly, and me not knowing how to stop effectively, and crash. it felt a tiny bit like skiing. it's the first time i've gone pretty fast. it was FUN. want to go again.

but hey, i looked at the weather at weather.com, and, ugh! it says "scattered t-storms, precip 40%" for literally, the next 8 days!!! blech. how depressing.

maybe that will help me to STOP playing, and study. i've been disappointingly unproductive. the fear sort of quelled, when i realized i had more time to study. BAD darlene. ugh. i've got problems. so undisciplined.

anyways. random aside, on the flight back from brian and val's wedding, i bought a rolling stones mag, and it had this really disturbing article on what's happened and happening in liberia. have i already mentioned this on the page? i can't remember. but seriously frightening. these drugged up and high kids with guns, called "child soldiers," arbitrarily kill and torture people. i don't know, and all these people starving? need to read a little more, not sure what's going on, a civil war? why am i so clueless! it's pretty irritating. and shameful.

"Those who say that they believe in God and yet neither love nor fear him, do not in fact believe in him but in those who have taught them that God exists. Those who believe that they believe in God, but without any passion in their heart, any anguish of mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, without an element of despair even in their consolation, believe only in the God-idea, not in God."

-Miguel De Unamuno.

mmm, so i gave in and went to see Dirty Pretty Things w/ maemae and greg. yergh. no spoilers really, but again, be forewarned.

i didn't really like it. it's rather dark, dreary. kinda cynical storyline. and characters are very charicature-y. like, very simplistic sketches of characters, good person, bad person. i think part of the purpose of the movie was to use some shock value, for uglier things in the world, but, i do'nt know. i don't think it was done well. i got the point, but it wasn't subtle, and it wasn't really complex either.

the title is a misnomer, if you ask me. that, or i just didn't see any of the pretty things. mostly dirty things. nothing really happy or pretty.

okay,<<< SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER!!>>>:
i was cringing at the scene when they were taking out the kidney. auuugghhh!! errrrghgh!! i was totally curled up in my seat in the theatre, wriggling, bc i was so disturbed. it's like, they were cutting this person open who was perfectly healthy!!! augh!! when he laid the scalpel on, i was like AAAAHHHHH!!!! NOOOO!!!! DON'T DO IT!!!!! and, i am not at all squeamish about surgery. i never once had a problem when i was scrubbed in tons of surgery last year. never was queasy, never was grossed out, never felt even slightly squeamish. but this movie freaked me out. and the only reason i can think of why, was bc it was this freakish unneeded and illegal operation! ugh. shudder.

END SPOILER

so, yeah. not a fan. now i'm going to have to read the reviews, and find out why it got such good reviews. maybe i missed something. i don't think so.

"'i know about life's dark underbelly,' she said. but why go there?"

bleah! i just realized--on my new bee u ti ful screen, that my quickies page is a sickly off-white color background!! i never noticed on my laptop!! it looks awful! anyhow, now it's bright white again. i feel like one of those folks who have cataracts, and can't see, and finally when it's removed, you can see clearly again! what a lovely screen. i'm enamoured. LOVELY!

so many movies to see...aw.
finding nemo, T3, dirty pretty things (audrey tatou from amelie's in this flick), 28 days later (yay ID!), seabiscuit, pirates of the carribbean. maybe i can treat myself to one this weekend :D

what does everyone use these days for mp3 downloads? i used to use morpheus, but i hear so much about kazaa. guess i should wait till i'm done w/ exam. but just wondering.

oh, yeah. :D i am now updating this page from my brand spanking new dell desktop :) woohoo!!!!!!!

the link to the nytimes article below wasn't working, it's fixed now. the article's sort of on chinatown, food, learning cantonese.

hm, so, maybe somebody prayed? because strange happenings occurred this afternoon such that i've now pushed my test date back.

i arranged a four week elective in hematology for the month of august, did all the right paperwork, got in touch with the attending's office, they cleared it with him, i brought him forms to sign, he signed them, etc, etc. THEN, today, i called the office to find out where i should meet him next week--what floor of the hospital, or is he in clinic that morning,e tc,e tc. and the guy there tells me that the attending is away until august 19!!! WHAT???!!! i was pretty upset, bc you're supposed to arrange electives and paperwork a minimum of 2 weeks before the first day of elective. and, i'd thought it was all set up. what happened?? and now i'd have to scramble to find another 4 week elective to replace it, and wrestle with the office to approve it, or else lose 2 weeks of elective time--which i can't relaly afford to lose. and, this elective comes at a very critical time in applying for residencies, bc this is when you can get recommendations if you still need one. argh. so, i was a bit of a mess.

then i was like, hm, is God telling me that i need more time to study? in a way, it would work out okay for me to take the extra week to study, and then do a two week elective. i don' tknow. that's where i'm leaning towards right now. there was an elective i could possibly do in bone marrow transplant, with this heme doc who's a great teacher, but...i think four weeks of just that would be too much. anyway, i'm weighing my options, but starting to think it's better for me to study in hopes of doing okay on step 2. ugh. applying for things always sucks. anyhow, i was more upset about losing the potential for a rec, bc it would be hard to ask for a rec after working only with this attending for two weeks...but thinking about it more, he was my floor attending during my medicine month at sinai, so, it might not be impossible. oh well.

in the end, i guess we'll see. but, a large part of me would feel much better having more time to study, so...maybe it's a good thing. in any case, thanks for praying, and my test date is now august 13.

ps, my mom cracks me up. she's great, and she nags me about studying, bc she knows me too well. sometimes i get annoyed, but today she made me laugh, bc she was like, i'm sorry i have to tell you to study hard, but i still have to say it. and i know you darlene, you only study once you've played all you want to play, slept all you want to sleep, and with what's leftover, you study. and...she's right. i suck. am trying to be good. but always have trouble finding th eline between studying hard, and putting priorities of people first. the best of the best can do both. i have trouble doing both. anyway. back to the books!

read about this restaurant in New York magazine:

Fried Dumpling 99 Allen street

"It's all about the Washingtons at this starchy storefront dumpling dive: Nearly every item on the menu is $1 or less. But come payday, do what we do: Slap a Lincoln on the counter and ask for five expertly fried pork-and-chive-stuffed dumplings ($1); four chubby dumplings ($1); and a thick sesame pancake wedge layered with a chewy slice of beef ($1.50). Wash it down with a $1 Snapple and don't forget your 50 cents change."

doesn't it sound great??? well, i wonder how it tastes if it's so cheap...but, it was starred in the magazine.

and, they talked about these new flavors at ciao bella, rhubarb-creme fraiche, blackberry-cabernet, and green-tea-white-chocolate-chunk. mmm.

changing subjects. um, if you have some spare prayer time, i could use some prayer for my step II boards exam, next tuesday august 5. i'm worried about the exam, bc i didn't do stellar on step I, and that means it's kind of important to do well on step II. right now, i feel pretty shaky. and it's t-minus 1 week. if i could push the test date back, i would, but there is really no good time to push it back to...so, anyway, prayer for diligence, peace, and another pouring out of mercy would be appreciated. won't be checking out these places to eat this week, for sure. thanks.

something good to read.

1. purchased a new computer today, many thanks to dr. hsiao for his tech savy aid. can't wait for it to arrive.

2. got to talk with kemi--completely out of the blue, and wonderful to catch up with her. am i allowed to say this? she's going to be in kazakstan for nine months. i don't know, i'm totally encouraged by this. same with when i heard about jhin. these are big commitments.

aside: kemi and i got to know each other through linnea's kcpc small group. i think that was...junior year??? i don't know, i admire strong women. i'd call kemi a strong woman. first of all, you've got to be strong to be non-asian and attend kcpc. and second of all, if you just listen to her talk--about her faith, walk, convictions, etc, it comes across too, kind of one to make up her own mind about things. and, oh, i don't know. i feel secretly privileged that i got a phone call from her and got to hear a little bit about what's happening with her :)

though, i might add, that i'm always off a beat when it comes to conversations (as you all know), and doubly so when it's sort of an unexpected conversation. so we hung up, and i thought of a billion questions i should have asked. whoops. oh well. at least i did have the presence of mind to tell her how much i miss her page, and that i'm not the only one who found it of great interest. i agreed with her that many jack folk write too well, and it makes us/me feel kind of loserly, with our/my lame writing, and so we end up chucking entries away. THOUGH, i'd also say that MY writing certainly sucks, whereas i like kemi's entries. but, whatever.

3. dependable friends--yup. that is really important, someone you can count on. sadly, i know that i suck at this many times. on the whole, i'm okay, but there are a good number of instances where i've just made really stupid, idiotic, decisions/judgments, and as a result was awfully un-dependable. it sucks. feel like even one instance sets me back a few years. like, i need to be consistently dependable for about three years, to wipe away one major incident of being unreliable. and, i think that's pretty fair, actually.

anyway.

4. i think dave's situation 2 sounds very feasible given his premises--bc if girls don't make instant judgments, then there's plenty of opportunity for a girl to see past the weird stuff. though, not if dave keeps talking about powder blue tuxes w/ ruffles, and junior high gymnasiums...that gives the distinct impression that there IS nothing past the weird stuff...hm.

but hey, it doesn't seem to work in reverse. bc if guys make instant judgments, and a girl acts weird bc she thinks she's interested, the guy's already dropped her into the "no" bin, based on her weird-acting. no fair.

i don't know, in any case, to me, situation 1 or 2 sound more likely than situation 3. not being self-conscious is just completely out of my control. for me, i think i'll never meet the right person on a set-up date. it's just WAY too awkward. and not that i wouldn't give a set-up a try, but, it's just i know that i couldn't be myself, and, it'd be a double-edged sword. if the guy responded positively, i'd be like--he is responding to something that's not me. and if he responded negatively, same thing. so i think it's got to be someone i get to know, and who gets to know me, in a non-pressured medium. then i think i'd be reassured that this person actually knows me, and is responding according to that. that'd be ideal, i think.

but seriously, i have no understanding of how a guy can meet a girl, and know instantly that he's seriously attracted to her--like marriage potential attraction, not just physical. clearly, it happens. i just don't get it. puzzles me.

anyway. time to get to sleep.

YES! the ball is rolling again. finally received the forms back from Hospice Uganda for my elective. was beginning to wonder if i should start plans to go somewhere else, bc it's taken literally 3 months for me to finally get these forms back signed and stamped.

ihopeihopeihope it all works out.

wow. i get tired just watching a spinning class.

HYUN-CHOOOOOOO!!!!! hi! just checking. :)

argh. it's been one of those days.

this morning, i dragged myself out of bed to go meet michelle in the park for a run. but as i was grabbing some water and washing and cleaning up a couple of glasses from yesterday, clumsy me broke one. whoops, darn, i was already late to meet michelle. so i picked up the pieces and dumped them into a paper bag next to the sink. was checking to make sure left no pieces behind, and then i picked up the paper bag, and moved to throw it all away, when the bottom of the bag split open--weakened from getting wet! oh no! glass all over the kitchen/common room floor! ugh. so, i got out my trusty dustpan, swept it up, threw it away, and was late meeting michelle.

then, this afternoon, i came home w/ some groceries, and as soon as i opened the door, clumsy me did something wrong, and my pint of blueberries toppled out of the bag! all the blueberries scattered and rolled across our less-than-clean floor! oh no...dang! i decided to pick them up and keep them anyway, just wash them really well bf eating. sorry, if that grosses you out. but at least i would never feed them to unknowing guests.

okay, so THEN, i decided to make some spaghetti (i haven't eaten spaghetti in about a year, and michelle suggested it as a frugal dinner to offset our eating out for lunch a lot lately). finished messing around w/ the sauce, added onions, fresh basil, tomatoes, etc, and was putting the rest into a jar, and had a little bit left in the pan, was wondering what to do with it, if i should stick it in a tupperware...and i placed it down for a second on the counter, and, of course, it somehow tipped off the counter and bang-splatted onto the floor, spraying spaghetti sauce on my pants, feet, the floor, the wall. AUUGGHH! what IS it with today???

sigh. so now i just finished cleaning up everything but my pants. they're sitting draped off the bathroom sink, bc i forgot about them while cleaning everything up in the kitchen. but i just want to ignore them for now. sheesh. clumsy me.

so i asked my brother my question about lightning hitting the ocean and killing all the fish, whales, squid, sharks, octopi. his reply was that he thinks most of the ocean is like the desert. ie, vast parts of the ocean are pretty dead, devoid of swimming fishies. and, that when lightening hits the water, it only conducts a certain distance, and depth. so maybe a few things die, but generally, not much.

i don't know, it sounded pretty logical to me. and, i think he's right about lots of desert ocean. but for some reason, i forget that. it makes sense, though, that there isn't lots of "food" for fish everywhere.

anyhow, went for a stroll in the park today. weather's been great in ny. finally! even went for a jog this morning. but going to the park makes me really want a dog. i don't know, there are so many different kinds of dogs, i kind of would like to know what they're all like. so i was thinking, wouldn't it be great to have a dog that would switch from breed to breed every couple of months? then i could have a boxer, a sighthound, a siberian husky, a beagle, a jack russell terrier, german shepherd, etc, etc.

but even if i could have a dog in this apt, no time to be kind to it, really. someone said i could get a fish. uh, no thanks. but then i heard of somebody who taught their goldfish to swim through a loop! and i was pretty impressed by that. but still, no thanks.

my friend has a pen with a pink crayon where the eraser belongs. kind of random. they should make pens with hilighters on the other end. hm. betcha they already do. oh well. there goes my million dollar idea.

"But it has been a long time since anyone but a few unreconstructed culture snobs has denied that sci-fi and superhero stories can be illuminating, even profound, as well as entertaining. That argument is long settled: without science fiction, we would lack a crucial imaginiative resource for grappling with the promise and peril of technology, and without comic books we would have fewer heroes, fewer monsters, and thus a poorer idea of what it is to be human.

But the fact that science fiction or comic-book based movies are capable of exploring big themes does not mean that they do so automatically. And in any genre it is dangerous to put the thematic cart before the narrative horse, which is what the makers of 'The Hulk' and 'The Matrix Reloaded,' so besotted with the allegorical dimensions of their stories, have begun to do."
(from today's nytimes)

yum. blew a lot of $$ and had some very tasty sushi tonight. after that, went and finally saw The Italian Job. y'all know i'm a big ednorton fan, and i was at risk of falling behind. bc i haven't seen hannibal (just no desire to rent it, really), and i haven't seen that death to smoochy movie w/ robin williams, either. though, i did see 25th hour. so, had to see this flick, or else, i'm just missing too many.

in any case, i enjoyed The Italian Job. kinda similar to The Score, it's got the heist theme thing. some people said it's reminiscent of Ocean's Eleven. it was entertaining. the guy who plays Scott Evil on Austin Powers, is in the movie, and he's pretty funny.

last night, jane, andy hsiao, and i, met up with a friend/cousin of andy's, and her redeemer small group, to listen to the nyphilharmonic in central park. it was really nice, relaxing. i don't know, it's representative of what everyone loves about new york. it felt good to have the luxury to enjoy it. soak it in. blankets everywhere, picnic food, people sprawled out, and you are trying to pick your way through this maze of people without stepping on anyone's head. weather was perfect. and they ended the night with a west side story medley, and then fireworks. i think they always end the last philharmonic summer concernt in the park with fireworks. they were perty.

good stuff. apart from that, just lots of studying on my butt, for step two of the boards. yucky. but actually, it's really nice not to have to go in to work. it's nice to have a flexible schedule again.

photos from fishing were developed, and one picture is hilarious, of me, with this guppy-sized fish in my hand, and yet this HUGE smile on my face, bc i was so excited about catching a fish!

alrighty, time to sleep.

back from cape cod/martha's vineyard. sad to say, but, thumbs down! well, any vacation is thumbs up, simply bc it's vacation. in that sense, it was thumbs up. but, i wouldn't recommend the particular place as a good vacation spot. don't know how the president can go there every summer. blech.

am being overly harsh, but, basically two flaws--not much to do, and inconvenient. inconvenient is a bigger flaw. as you may know, martha's vineyard is an island, so, you have to take a ferry out there. the problem is that if you drove to cape cod, you can't take your car with you to the island. unless, of course, you'd like to pay some $360 for a car ferry! which means that you can't easily stay at a hotel on martha's vineyard, bc what do you do with your car then? leave it parked at some random place for a few days? the result is, you stay in a hotel off the island, and take a ferry back and forth each day. very annoying. even more annoying, is that on weekdays, the last ferry to leave the island is 6.45pm!!

i guess the pres doesn't have to deal with the ferry. he just flies into martha's vineyard, and goes to his cushy suite.

we (jane and i) thought about visiting nantucket (also an island in cape cod), but decided not to, bc it's a similar deal with the ferrying back and forth, but it's a 2hr30min ferry ride, although their last ferry left at a reasonable 10pmish, or something like that. but spending 5hrs in commuting, is just lame. even if it's a nice boatride.

anyhow. so, martha's vineyard is kind of cute, quaint. the main thing to do there is bike around the island. there's also beaches, and beach-related stuff to do, like sea kayak, windsurf, etc. and some nice shops, and a few walking tours kind of stuff. and we had a good time, bc we were pretty content to do nothing. we went sea kayaking, and shopped, ate lots of ice cream, and biked. that's it. it was nice and relaxing. but maine (where we went last year) was a lot more fun, more options, more convenient. but a longer drive. so.

ps, the highlight of the trip was a drive-thru starbucks! have never seen one before. and their coffee was yummier than your standard nyc starbucks. i don't know, it was great. we went to it twice. oh, and you know, it's hilarious, bc they had this little chalkboard talking about their three sizes of drinks, and how they used to only have two sizes, short and tall, but then they were describing their current three sizes as tall, grande, and venti! where did short go? well, we had ordered two short coffees. it just amazes me that they have this size, and pretend they don't have it. anyway, there was also a drive-thru dunkin' donuts, but the drive-thru window was closed when we went, sad.

oh, forgot all about the best part of our vacation. it was the pre-cape cod portion. our friend greg took us fly fishing in connecticut. it was GREAT. ever see A River Runs Through It? then you know how beautiful fly fishing looks. anyhow, greg's huge into fishing. he just returned from a trip to montana to fly fish. and he outfitted us with waders, and rods, and everything. and it was such fun.

when jane and i were casting, it was totally spastic. like, you have to get a sense of the momentum, casting back and forth, but we didn't have the timing down right, so we'd jerk the rod a milisecond too early or too late, and it looks all spastic. but every once in a while, we'd get the rhythm down, and it'd look really nice, and you could see that the fly was getting out a good distance. that would only last a couple of seconds, and then back to spastic. but when greg was casting, it looked just like the movie.

anyhow, it was really neat. AND, i caught a trout and a striped bass! that was exciting. we let them go, but it was really cool to actually catch a fish while fly fishing. woohoo!

i'd love to go again. it's fun to be in the river, very peaceful, nature-y. and when you're casting, it makes this nice whishing noise. until we (on many occasions) tangled up the line.

oh, i also went sea-fishing w/ my bro last weekend. that was great, bc i haven't spent much time w/ my bro all year. he also likes to fish. and, i caught a porgy big enough to keep, and we ate him that night. yummy.

hm, this really belongs in long thoughts, but, oh well.